I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
