Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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