i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
