Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
