You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
