weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
