There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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