You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
