I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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