I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
