How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize