he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
