sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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