I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
