So drunk its hurt
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
