what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
