"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
