Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
