Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
