PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
