my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We need to rekindle our bromance
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Couch. On fire.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
