I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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