the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
