this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
