You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
