you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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