Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Mom said you looked used
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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