I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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