ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
