The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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