I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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