Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
