New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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