Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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