the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
