so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
