One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
