Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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