and you said cock pushups were impossible
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
