It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
