and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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