I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
