its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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