your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
