I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
