So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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