Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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