he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
