I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize