i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
honey bunches of taint.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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