He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
