His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
