I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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