Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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