allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
