This dress was meant to end up on your floor
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
