I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
