he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
