I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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