In the future we'll all be gay
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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