okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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