I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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