mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
