Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
