it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
