A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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