Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.