I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...