I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"