Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.