just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.