It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign