I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms