I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with