Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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