Kiss
Puke
if you like me you must not know who I am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
