i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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