I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize