mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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