I hope mine doesn't look like that
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
