I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
