we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
