i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
