i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
