tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
