Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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