wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
