Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
