They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I touched a dick in church today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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