Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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